Today is my Mum’s Birthday. 3 February.
I was reflecting this morning on my Mum’s journey. She was so hard working and dedicated Mum. She also had a huge impact on my perceptions of health and wellness…. and sickness.
Breast Cancer at 30?
The year I was born, she discovered she had breast cancer in both breasts. That was 1972.
I admired my Mum for saying no to the radical mastectomy (well, later, when I was old enough to hear the story!), and insisted she get to try this new treatment they were offering on ‘the mainland’ (of Australia) where they did a lumpectomy, packed her with lead and radiated her boobs within an inch of their lives. She got badly burned from the radiation and she was away from us all for a lot of that year so she could travel to Sydney.
She survived!
Breast Cancer at 50
At 50 she was diagnosed with a malignancy on her right breast, which upon breast removal (this time), many of the lymph nodes has already been invaded. I was in second year Uni and it was just Mum and I for it that year. I still remember the day she told me, sitting on her bed, gazing out the window, before she’d had it tested. “I’ve discovered a lump”. My heart sank as I knew well the well told story of her age 30 cancer. Her heart was sinking too. She had just re-trained and gotten on her feet in a new career as an office skills and medical terminology trainer.
Not too long after her treatment she lost her job at the college, and I think that was the last time she was gainfully employed.
Smoking, anxiety, and stress
She’d been a long time smoker. Was still smoking. She had radiation scarring on her lungs from the first breast cancer, and also suffered asthma. Now, physical medicine aside, she also was extremely anxious and insecure. Anxiety/fear is well associated emotionally with lungs.
This time as she was peri-menopausal and more radiation wasn’t an option, she want on a new drug at the time ‘Tamoxifin’… to help inhibit the oestrogen receptivity of her cancer. She also had a mastectomy on the right side. The day of the surgery, she had an asthma attack or inability to breath as they came back from theatre, the likes I’ve never seen before. Her breathing was never the same again.
Respiratory Disease
She healed after the mastectomy. Yet, the next ten years was littered with nebulisers, steroids and breathing inhalers, frequent emergency as her respiratory health deteriorated and she was diagnosed with ‘chronic obstructive airways disease’.
She was bright and optimistic (she gave up smoking btw finally in hospital with her mastctomy). She had been so passionate and insistent, she managed to end up on the lung transplant program. She was sure this would give her the chance for a long and healthy life.
Lung Cancer at 60
She turned 60, and was diagnosed with lung cancer. That therefore made her ineligible for hte lung transplant. She had radiation therapy (much more refined by then … a tiny laser-focussed-laser-beam and a little tiny tattoo to mark the point of entry).
Diabetes, Heart Disease, Depression ….
The next seven years saw continuing respiratory decline, Type II, then Type I diabetes, heart failure and a pacemaker inserted, eye issues, and goodness knows what else. Oh yeah, deep depression for which she was also medicated for. For the last ten years we were sure it could be her last. Yet she was a determined buggar, had an amazingly strong and optimistic spirit and lived to see her grandchildren and her children…. defying medical science every day for many many years.
She made it to 67!
She finally as I affectionally call it ‘carked it’, at 67 years of age, whilst out with me on a Good Friday excursion from her palliative care ward. Under some trees in her wheel chair, and me, somewhat bewildered, shocked, emotional, yet happy to support her in her transition.
Why am I telling you this?
What does this have to do with my Whole30? Well it’s interesting as I’ve been running out of ideas of what to write, and I sat down at the cafe today and that story and its relevance sprung to my mind and I started writing.
Now, given that I was extremely close to my Mum, and after some work on my issues in my late twenties, had healed what needed healing, become complete with everything and thus created a very conscious, loving, fun, caring and connected relationship with her.
Heartbreaking
To stand by and support this amazing woman that I loved whilst she went through all of the above (emotional expressions of all the things that go along with such diagnoses and sickness aside), was at worst, heart breaking, and at best, enlighteningly scary and insightful.
Hard lessons … Awakening and Realisations
I realised there was nothing I could do other than love and support her. It was her gig. It was her journey. She was effectively alone no matter how many doctors, carers, friends and family she had to love her and give their time to her. That was very sobering and very frightening.
Personal growth, all those f#$king pills and a hideous diet
Being a bit of an evangelical personal help junkie through much of this, and at one stage a yoga teacher in training (with all the healthy stuff that goes with it), not to mention a lot of emotional healing I was doing…. to stand by whilst she shoved all manner of pills and toxins in to her body whilst eating a diet of very unhealthful foods (and way more than she needed in her obesity), was one of the largest lessons in acceptance I will ever have to endure.
At my relentless (and probably infuriating insistence) she read ‘The Journey’ by Brandon Bays, she did some sessions with some healers I suggested, and she had an attempt at a number of different methods over the years. I know that many of them did help her. I also learned over the years to let go and let her be. Yes another big learning.
To say I have a massive scepticism over the way western medicine deals with sickness is an understatement.
Was I walking my talk? That would be a big fat NO
The biggest hypocrisy though, is how I have not walked anywhere near enough of my knowledge, or my talk in my own life. With Mum in the back of my mind, I have had a strong drive to be healthy, to defy the trends of sickness, to become emotionally healthy, to exercise, and to eat well. Yet I have fallen short… on the eating part.
Like my Mum I have been deluding myself for the last number of years that what I have been eating is OK, that eating lots of sourdough bread with protein for breakfast, eating big servings of rice, and the odd croissant, was ok… yet, slowly the weight (and the heavy-ness) have been creeping up on me. I have known to eat this way since my yoga teachers and their guest speakers were telling me about grains and sugar being sub-optimal since 2007! I had a crack, yet I would slide in either ttoo much of the ‘healthy’ heavy foods and not put enough veggies in, or I woudl eat ‘Faileo” .. and make paleo style desserts loaded with dates and agave syrup. And in the last three or so years, it all just went out the window.
Exciting new possibilities full of vitality and health
I’m in a delightfully fortunate place right now in that I have a clean blank canvas in my next direction, and that leaves a lot of space. I was filling it with food. Too much comfort and avoidance and reward food.
I feel sad when I think of how it may have turned out differently for my Mum. I now know how she could have been immensely relieved in her emotional suffering with FasterEFT and I know how changing her diet could have meant the difference between her being well and her being (prematurely) dead.
The gift in all of this is that I got to see how I don’t want it to be, and to walk my own talk.
This Whole30 feels absolutely life changing, transmogrifying and liberating. I continue to be amazed at the results, and the revelations, the feeling in my body, everyting that is improving and it’s not THAT hard. It’s a big learning curve yes, yet it’s so simple at the same time. I want to honour my Mum’s struggle, the lesson’s she taught me about wellness, and to be the most vibrant, healthy, well, happy and energetic person I know … at 40, 50, 60 …. and 110! Then just drop dead one day, not because I’m sick, but because, I’M DONE!
HERE’S TO THAT THOUGHT.
With much love and lettuce
Janine
Food Diary
Breakfast/Lunch: Cafe chick – they made me scrambled eggs, mushrooms, bacon and avocado (not on their menu exactly like that), and a pour-over coffee.
Dinner: Tuna steak (line caught and within quota from Philippines) with red capsicum and red onion salsa and avocado. DEVINE! Plus half a banana with coconut milk and coconut.
Exercise Diary
Bike ride to the butcher and back. 20 minutes.
Whole30 Emotional Adventure 